Recently I
have been giving a lot of thought to a question that was posed on a forum for
caregivers. The question was something like this: What do you miss most since
you became a caregiver?
It did not
take very long for me to compose my answer. I miss doing things with my husband as opposed to doing
things for my husband.
To be
perfectly honest, I cannot even begin to figure out when we made the transition
from a “normal couple” to full time caregiver/care receiver. It snuck up on us when we weren't paying attention. There once was a time long ago when we enjoyed
everyday activities such as preparing a meal together, working in the yard,
taking walks, DIY projects, going places
together (other than doctors’ appointments), pillow talk. There was a time we
laughed together often, entertained friends, traveled, made love….Life was good. There was no denying it.
No one could
have predicted that our lives would be turned upside down. Yet, chronic illness
and disability have a way of doing that. It has robbed us of many opportunities
to enjoy life. It has isolated us. It’s stripped our dreams away. It’s changed how
we interact with one another.
These past
few months as my husband has been hospitalized or in rehab I have had a few
chances to get out of the house and enjoy some leisure activities with friends.
As relaxing and fun as it was, it wasn’t nearly the same as enjoying it with my
husband. However, if I am honest I have to admit that watching other couples
holding hands and laughing or dancing together or simply choosing paint at the
hardware store pains me once in a while. I miss “us.” I miss the crazy,
spontaneous, fun-loving couple we once were.
So, what are
we, the couples living with chronic illness to do? If your spouse is a shut-in
or if he/she is in long term care, how do you maintain a sense of being a
couple? How do you avoid the trap of becoming simply a care giver and care receiver? What do you miss?
I’d welcome
your comments.
