Relieving Caregiver Stress

Chronic illness and disability affect all members of a family, not just the person suffering from the condition. Typically, one person assumes the role of caregiver and as such assumes much of the responsibility of the household. For many, this role is assumed without fanfare as it is only natural to have a desire to help the one(s) we love and to keep the home fires burning. Too often, however, the caregiver will find him/herself drifting toward caregiver syndrome, also known as caregiver stress, without even realizing it.

Caregiver syndrome is only recently being recognized as a by-product of the increasing demands that are associated with long-term care of a loved one. It is not uncommon for the caregiver to feel resentment or depressed.  One might feel completely overwhelmed and alone, be irritable, have problems sleeping, neglect one’s own health needs, feel anxious, etc.  Juggling the needs of the disabled or ill spouse, a career, household duties and all of the demands of day to day living can create a situation that can adversely affect the caregiver’s health and the health of the relationship in general.

It is strongly recommended that the caregiver find avenues to relieve some of the day to day stress associated with caring for a loved one. It is important to take care of yourself. Some ways to do that are:

• develop a support system of family, friends or church family. Do not try to do it alone
• communicate with your spouse and other family about your feelings and needs
• prayer and meditation
• physical exercise (walk, garden, go to the gym, swim, etc)
• continue to have your own hobbies or interests even if it means doing so without your spouse participating. Plan a day trip with a friend.
• get regular check-ups
• have a special place in your house as your “quiet spot” where you can go to regroup and get away from the chaos, even if for only 20 minutes at a time
• learn to change your expectations and work toward acceptance of the situation
• speak to a counselor or pastor or join a support group
• educate yourself about the condition(s) your family member suffers from
• forgive yourself if you come to the realization that it is no longer possible for you to maintain adequate care of your loved one without outside services or potential placement in a care facility. Do not be a martyr.
• Share special moments with your loved one each day, even if it’s just a quiet cup of coffee together while listening to relaxing music
• Cry. Punch a pillow. Call a friend. Pray some more. Don’t give up!

Too often couples will ignore the signs and symptoms of caregiver stress until it is too late. It is essential that the parties involved learn to work together and understand that the illness affects each of you in a profound way. Remember that the illness does not need to define you or your relationship.